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God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own poop blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this. I’ve just read it off the notice board.”The crowd was thinning. I could see the notice and my name bracketed with Alfred’s. What had I done to annoy the Chairman? He barely knew me. And there was Alfred standing by the board looking as if he’d won a major lottery prize. He looked at me with his eyes shining.“Derek,” he squeaked, “We are honoured, you and I. Do you realise that we will be watching at the dawn of Earth Day? A significant day for the world and we will be doing our little part towards it.”“Is it?”“Is it what, Derek?”“Earth Day. I hadn’t realised.”“It is. That very day and we shall see its dawn, here, in our countryside…”“I suppose so.”“You don’t share my excitement?” Alfred looked hurt.“I might be excited if there were to be something to see, Alfred. Dawn on Earth Day is much like any other dawn. I doubt that the Earth will even know that it is Earth Day.”“True, Derek, true. Earth Day is a man-made idea and a fairly recent one. Doesn’t it thrill you that thousands of.
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